TMG SPACELOG STAFF
JIM FISER
The Cartoonist
Q: So what got you interested in UFO research?
A:Well some time ago, I was abducted by two super tiny aliens. Like I'm talking SHORT! Like 5”2’ or something like that. Unsettlingly short. And I remember that they shoved me into their broom closet and would pull me out whenever they wanted me to make these disturbing drawings for them. It was a fucking nightmare.
[here’s evidence of that abduction]
Q: Drawings?
A: Yes haha, well I'm a cartoonist you see. Mostly penis related material. I mean you got the schlong right, and by shlong I mean the dink or some might call it a hog. And then you got the balls, I mean don't get me started on the balls! I love those balls… Not like LOVE love, I just mean.. Well you get what I mean.
Q: I don’t, please expand.
A: Hahaha… expand.
Q:Hahaha!
A: Haha, like boner haha.
Q: I feel like you and I really have a connection.
A: Yeah it's almost like I'm interviewing myself!
ASHLEIGH LAWLESS
The Curator
Q: So, you curate content for the Spacelog?
A: Yes. And I only care for the most exquisite pieces of media. Ones that will leave a lasting legacy on society. Videos you’ll think of that will rip you out of REM state 15 years from now.
Q: Okay…what’s your process look like?
A: Well, with a screen time of [redacted for too high risk of shock], I spend hours looking for only the best content for readers. And I’ve been in this game a long time… you name it, and I’ll remember it.
Q: …. Do you have a favorite?
A: Hmm… hard question… but I do love the classics. I'll take “it do go down” for 500.
Q: Out of every piece of media… that’s the one you choose?
A: You know, you’re really putting me on the spot here. And who says YOU have taste?
Q: I’m just saying, if you’re talking classics, it should at least be something like this piece of art.
A: You’re going to put me to sleep.
Q: You know what–
{THE REST HAS BEEN REDACTED BECAUSE OF COMMUNITY VIOLATIONS}
Tyler Schmall
The Writer
Q: How long have you been a writer?
A: Not long. For most of my adult life I worked at a liquidation firm where I was in charge of acquiring community-beloved mom and pop shops and turning them into police stations and corporate office parks. I became inspired to write after seeing “Lightyear” for the first time.
Q: So the movie “Lightyear” moved you?
A: No.
Q:What’s it like writing for Spacelog?
A: It’s not unlike being a farmer pouring a bucket of slop into the trough for the pigs. Our readers have an insatiable hunger that can only be filled by more Spacelog.
Q: What’s one piece of advice you’d give to aspiring writers?
A: Always meet your deadlines and never EVER forget to finish your work!
Q: What are your future goals?
(NOTE: FILL IN BEFORE FRIDAY)
*He never finished it and it was never fully published*
Sonora Birnie
The Editor
Q: What is it like being an editor for the Spacelog?
A: It’s a really great challenge, but I do feel like I’m losing my mind half the time. I mean, have you seen the topics and content that we cover? Bizarre, but necessary. AND to do it at the highest level….A DREAM, darling.
Q: What are the future goals for the Spacelog?
A: It can be hard to know what the future holds, but I am sure we’ll keep doing deep dives into things that I guess thousands of people across the galaxy care about. Have I mentioned how many people read the newsletter? MILLIONS, okay.
Q: How do you like working with the rest of the Spacelog team?
A: They are all very creative and…unique. I’m just here to make sure things are put together well, but sometimes I feel like I have been abducted and sent to a planet where punctuation and spelling aren’t real. See Tyler’s Earth Report in this issue as an example…but the people love it. THE PEOPLE LOVE IT. Trillions of people, by the way.
Q: TRILLIONS of people actually read the newsletter?
A: Of course, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION OUR AUTHORITY?! I have the analytics here… don't make me prove it to you.
Ah yes, here it is: most of our audience lives on an earth-like planet in a neighboring galaxy. To be quite frank, we’re universal. I must admit that Jupiterians hate us though…politics and budgets, you get it. What are a few hundred haters on Jupiter when there are GAZILLIONS of fans?!
Q: Are you okay? You seem to be having a hard time breathing.
A: I am FINE! You’re imagining stuff. I AM THE EDITOR OF SPACE’S MOST PRESTIGIOUS NEWSLETTER. Don’t suggest such things; The Ship has plenty of oxygen.
You’ve taken enough of my precious time. I have things to do, commas to add, and A BAZILLION PEOPLE TO SATISFY.
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